Well, I don't have time to write too much. I'm really tired.
But I wanted to say that Sawyer Brown was awesome and the rodeo was really fun, not to mention that I love cotton candy. And now that Brett fed my craving for cotton candy, I want more.
Mmmm...cotton candy.
I figured something out though.
I don't do well with only and hour and a half of sleep.
When I got to Sandi's I just went back to bed for like...and hour-ish, and then I was a little bit more coherent.
Right, so, anyway, I'm gonna go to bed now.
'night to all....

Ok, if you don't want to hear about it....skip it

I still feel like screaming.
And I hate being manipulated.
I've been thinking back on what all has happened to me this year and I realized there's been several times were I've been manipulated by two people who I thought were my friends and that I could trust them.
I don't know what to think anymore.
Fucking bastards...

I'm tired and I hurt. But above all else I'm so freakin' tired.

You know that feeling...Like, when you have cotton in your ears and everything is extremely muffled...Everything is far away and you can't touch it, and yet at the same time you're extremely sensitive to the least little thing...And if someone were to touch you, you don't know if you want to run away screaming your heart out or if you'll grab onto them and never want to let go. And hope to God that they don't let go too soon or you'll fly apart.

::heaves sigh::
I want to be able to section off my life...So I don't have to deal with my family life when I'm with my friends...and I don't have to deal with all those problems when I'm with my family.
I wish people would stop yelling at me...and depending on me...And expecting me to answer all their questions...and at the same time...I don't know what I would do if I didn't have some of that. Because some times it's the only way I can not think about my problems.
That sounds so...stupid and disgustingly pathetic.

I think I'm just gonna go see if I can find my rock to crawl under....

[Sep. 12th, 2002|04:51 pm]
I hate thinking.
Thinking...is just...ick.
And making decisions...::heaves sigh:: Sometimes I want to scream.
My parents are acting like the world is coming to an end. Like they've done tons of times before, and that's not helping anything.
I've really been wanting to write lately. But I haven't had anytime...so I've just been going through all my old stuff.
That mellow feeling that I get with writing would be really nice right now. But I feel too ansty....Which means I would have to start something completely new...and that would bother me because I don't have the time to finish it.

Well, I feel like pasting a poem....It's not finished though...
::shrugs:: It's one I did a while back but has been bugging me to put somewhere even though it isn't finished.

She runs.
Falling,
She sobs
Never knowing what chases her,
She runs.
Fear crawls across her skin like a disease.

Denying what she feels.
Denying the possibility,
The thought.
She weeps without a tear.
Looking up from her place on a small speck of land that's Earth,
She screams without a sound.
No one hears.
She doesn't want anyone to hear.
Her pain,
Her sorrow.
Her fear.
She bottles them up because she must.
No other choice.
Always alone,
No one hears her whimper when the fear reaches,
And destroys, yet another part of her soul.


She denies.
It?s not there.
Never was.
She feels no pain,
No sorrow.
No Fear.
She must not lick her wounds because that would be admitting that they exist.
Never! She cries.

Woo! It's raining.
It smells all nice...
Only problem is that I have to go pick my parents up this evening...And I haven't driven in mud yet.
Oh well.
I was bored...and I couldn't find anything else to do so I thought I would update.
Still mad at David...and Kirby...
Choads.
Mmm....bagels
Aric was telling me about what he did on the field trip thing...Now I want to go to the Zoo.
How dare they take out the white tigers.
Those were cool!!
Maybe I can get the Group to go with me.
I was offered a job the other day.
Computer training. Woo! Ed said that he would be willing to invest his time into teaching me. He's starting his own business and needs people to help out.
So, he would send stuff home with me to fix and would pay me by the hour according to how much I know about computers.
Ed knows a lot about computers and I think he would be really fun to learn from.
And, this means I might get some steady money in...who knows.
Apparently he already has a whole bunch of clients.
Guess I'll go take a shower...Hopefully someone will be online so I can talk to them....
Mmm...boredom....

Woo! Went to the Lifehouse concert last night.
It sucked but I still had a blast.
Got to wear my cool 'new' pants....hehehe, then, after the concert we went to see what kind of trouble we could get into.
We found the mechanical bull, so, I got Brett to go first so I could see how it was done, and that was fun, then I went.
That was even better.
It's harder then it looks!
Duh, right?
It was funny. We walked up to the booth thing and the guy there told us to sign this waiver and then asked up if we were 18.
I automatically said no, but I guess I said it so low that no one heard me. Brett's voice over road mine anyway. He said, yeah, and that was the end of that.
First round I did pretty good if I do say so myself. Then the guy there asked if I wanted to go faster and of course the whole group had to start yelling at me to go for it. So of course I did.
Second round I lasted halfway through ( Or so it felt) and then I fell off. Kinda freaked myself out because I was falling and couldn't get my hand lose.
I left the glove behind. Stood up because there were people behind me and almost fell back down.
It wasn't so bad on the pad but as soon as you stepped down onto the pavement I lost all ballance. It was weird.
Nae had her cool little jean skirt on and I guess she decided she wanted to try it really bad and when she asked Julie to trade, Julie told her no.
Hehe, so, we ran to the restrooms and switched.
Damn my pants look good. ;)
So, for the rest of the night everyone kept making comments about how hot my pants were.
But anyhoo....For about 30 minutes after the bull riding every so often you would lose your balance.
After that we went looking for cotton candy....and Kirby was being a chode....and so was David. I'm still pissed off at David. Ass....But yeah.
After the fair we went back to Kirby's and then to 7 11 to hang out for 3 hours....That was weird, but fun.
Then went back to Kirby's again.
Nae, Eric, Brett and I crashed on Kirby's couch.
Everyone's feet were all tangled. We fell asleep around 6ish.
About an hour later, Eric and Nae got cramped I guess because they moved to the floor with Aric and Jeremy.
So, Brett and I had the couch all to ourselves....Still a little cramped though.
Oh well.
Then we woke up at 9....and I decided we needed to leave....and that was that.
Brett and Nae came over earlier and watched some movies with Aric and I.
Guess I should probably go to bed.
'night to all