Well....Hm, where do I start.

I got up early, like I said in my last journal. Went to the demo at Wild Oats. Had fun, even though I wasn't too with it because of lack of sleep.

Got stuff done then headed out.

At the bridge by the gas station on Zuzax I fell asleep. Didn't realize it. One minute I was thinking about calling Aric because I was starting to feel sleepy. And then, like, in the movies, when they switch scenes I was opening my eyes to see myself jerk the wheel to the left to get back onto the freeway. Decided that was stupid because I was already losing control of the truck and tried to vear back off.
The truck started to fish tail and I hit the breaks.
Stupid move.
This is about the time that I realize I am no longer on all 4 wheels, and see the ground rushing up on the driver's side.
Somehow I got it back on to all four wheels though I'm not sure how.
And I stop.
I don't remember thinking anything until I look over to see that a semi truck had slammed on his breaks.
Then I panicked because I thought I had hit him or something and hadn't noticed.

Ugh. I'm tired. Now.
I need to go lay down...
I'm really relived that the paramedics and the police were as nice as they were.
Didn't get a ticket. Thank God...That's all it would have taken for me to freak out...I did about $3000 dollars worth of damage to the truck as it is.
Fuck...how am I going to fix that?
I know everyone keeps telling me that it doesn't matter because I'm ok....And I know that I'm ok, but life moves on...and how the fuck are we supposed to fix it now.

Had an interesting day yesterday. And this morning. Hehe...
Was bored spitless for for the first part....Read a book...or two, then got online. Talked to Brett for a little while. Then he asked if I wanted to go into town with him to hang out at Kirby's after he dropped off some money for his brother. I was all for getting out of the house. So, I say yes, and he comes to pick me up but then his truck wont start. So, he gets under his car and we do the whole jump start thing. He said it was because the bolts were loose that it was acting up.
So, we go to get air in his tires at Tony's Service Station in Edgewood.
He's got little 8 balls on his tire things. It was funny.
We get back into the truck when he's done and it wont start, so once again, we do the jump start thing again, and as he pulls out of the gas station he asks if we should go bug Nae, and I'm all Yes! So we go to bug Nae for a while.
She was watching the Moulin Rouge, which I got stuck in. And now I want to find my CD that I burned from her CD.
We left about 6:30...or tried to. We got out side and the truck wouldn't start again so Brett decided "Screw it, I'm gonna tighten the bolts. He did and we were off.
I had told my mom I would be back before 9:00pm because I have that tournament I run today and need to be there at 9:00am.
And he said that was ok, there would be no problem getting me back by then. So, he tightens the bolts and we head into Albuquerque.
Just as we hit the new stop light for the Tijeras intersection Brett loses the connection. I'm luaghing. I timed him as he reconnects it. Took him 30 seconds.
Then, about 2 miles-ish out of Albuquerque the truck starts sounding like it's about to lose something important so we pull over.
It's the drive shaft. Something had fallen off or something and it was about to come off. So, we walk to the Smith's on Tramway and Central to call his brother.
His mom, step dad and a family friend with her son ended up picking us up and then everyone decided to go out to eat.
By this time I know I'm not getting home by 9:00pm because it's 8:45-ish.
So, Glo (The family friend. I think I spelled it right...) took us to the Cooperage. Mmm...yummy.
My mom's not happy. I'm like, pfft, whatever.
So, we leave there about 11:30. and go to drop Glo and her son off at their house, then go to Miguel's to pick something up for Shawn. Can't find it, and it takes them a while to figure out they hadn't left it there.
We pile back into the car and it wont start becuase the battery is almost dead. So we wait a while because it seems it's charging up by itself. It does, kinda.
I got a kick out of it because Miguel lives a couple of houses away from where Sandi lives.
So, we drive back to the truck and start trying to fix it. Then, around 2:00-30 we find out that the U joint wont fit.
So, we pack up and end up having to jump start the other car.
By this time Brett is bouncing off the walls. We were all tired and getting a little punchy.
He kept laughing at the weirdest things, but when he laughed I laughed so it was cool. His parents were kinda left behind though.
They were really nice.
I had lots of fun, and despite the fact I only had 3 hours of sleep, I'm glad I went.
Guess I better get off.
I need to get ready to leave.

Poco taco.

It's too freakin' hot.
And I have a headache. Never fun.
It's been...a weird week.
But I get to go to the LifeHouse concert with all my friends. Yay! And then I get to see a rodeo, which I haven't seen in what seems forever.
Damn, I love the state fair.

I'm supposedly running a tournament on Sat...I'm not sure how I feel about that...All I know is that I'm getting this panicky feeling because I know I'm gonna screw something up. Even though I'm not exactly running it.
Dude, I so don't want to have that responsability. I'm so sick of responsabilities.
But I've gotten myself stuck....I'm apart of the guard and I need to give that another year before I step outof that...I thought that would be so fun. And it would give me something to do. Then, suddenly stuff started piling up, and now I have no time...Kinda. I do, but I can't seem to make it count for anything.

Mmm....chips and salsa.

I want a tattoo.

Gonna sign off now.
Buh bye

Mmm...tired
I'm all sore. It's a good sore though. I want to go ice skating again...As soon as I get some money....that doesn't immediately disappear as soon as it's transfered into my account.
Trying to get used to David's new game.
One minute it all makes sense and the next I'm so lost it's not even funny.

I wonder when Sandi will call me back to work again?,....I don't want to but yeah...I need the money.

Anyhoo, not much to say.
Things have been...building up I guess....and when that happens I have a tendency to hide so I don't have to think about anything...I just let...everything flow. It's easier...and then, when everything isn't so in my face I can sit think...and judge...and stuff.
I was just getting out of that whole...go to bed...sleep like a rock...wake up with no remembered dreams...and still feeling really tired and worn out business when I woke up the next day.
I was all sorts of happy. I enjoy dreaming and waking up feeling like I can take on the day without crashing and burning.
Then life kinda just said...Fuck that. Back down you go.
::heaves sigh::
Went and got my work up. Found some more stuff wrong...some other things kinda fixed but not completely...So I have to take more meds.
On Sat. I was kinda trying to make them last. I didn't want to take them all at once for some reason.
Then, Sun. I was getting a lot of flack.
Dad was throwing fits...and...Aric....yeah...with Paul...ugh, and I couldn't go to the VC party thing. I really really wanted to go. But, by the time I should have been getting ready everything was...screaming in my head and I couldn't concentrate. Hate that feeling.
So, I took some of the meds and went back to bed. Got up later, read a book.
Then some problems came up that I had to deal with, and that got me tense all over again, and then Brett called and asked if I wanted to go to Rio Rancho with him. By that time I really wanted out of the house and talking with Brett helps a whole hell of a lot.
So, I chugged the rest of the medications plus some and ran out the door before my dad could really think of any reasons why I shouldn't go.
By the time we hit Frost rd I was all sorts of mellow.
Rescue Remedy is the shiznit!
Went to meet Brett's dad. That was cool. He makes really good chili. Now I want to make some.
That's an idea...
After that we drove to Marty's house and hung out for an hour or so. That was fun. Haven't been able to just hang out for a while with people. Ick
But yeah, felt better. Got home....Crashed.
Today has gone ok so far. Dad hasn't gotten home...Waiting for the explosion.
Yay...::rolls eyes::
Gonna go think up supper now.

I Don' Wanna Put In A Subject...

I'm tired, I'm cranky and I'm sick and tired of my mom's guilt trips.
I felt like crap today.
I don't usually say no when she wants me to go into town with her and act as a sheild between her and my grandmother but I kept trying to get out of it.
But nooo...First, she says ok, we just wont take grandma and that means that we wont be in town that long. I was really glad because I felt like passing out as it was...Next time I talk to her she changed her mind and she's bringing Grandma, and we're leaving early because she wants to stop by all these place before we have to drop her off at a Dr appt. Then I find out I have to go into Moriarty and get animal feed before we leave...An hour before we have to leave. So I go and do that but the windsheild whippers on the truck don't work, so I had to drive in a near down poor...Wasn't too bad as long as I went fast enough to drive the water off the windsheild. It took and hour longer then it should have but I did it. Then I get home to her bitching. She says that I should have left super early so they could have left when she had originally planned.
We have this subtle "silent" fight and so she acts all hurt for the rest of the day throws pot shots at me about how cruel I can be to her and how much I yell. So, the turns Grandma onto her side and I feel like I'm being torn both ways.
Grrrr....And then I've been getting all this crap from Aric because he's having to take over my chores.
I swear. I'm gonna scream next time she throws a fit.
I don't friggin' care what she does. Dad is always telling me to relax and let it roll off. Well, it only does that for so long when I'm already feeling stressed out.
And he also tells me I need to stop taking charge and just act like a teenager.
Well, guess what...Fuck 'em all. How the hell am I supposed to do that when I have to take care of everyone and act grown up? I'm seriously thinking about driving to Mountainair and hiding out at my other grandmother's.
For like, a week or two.